I CAN MOONWALK!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
