Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
zippers are such a cool invention
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I believe in your delicious
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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