I skipped work to stalk him.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
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We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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