Umm I'm too high to move.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
