I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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