i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
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So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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