as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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