I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
