I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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