Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
