So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
