wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
