Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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