Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
