She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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