I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
