Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
