break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
