Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
