omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
