I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
