and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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