I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
