Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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