theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
