I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
