i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
