i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
