does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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