i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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