Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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