i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
