Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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