Hey man sorry I got all grabby
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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