woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
