I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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