YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
