We're facebook friends in real life
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
nutella sex= disaster
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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