i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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