The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
