I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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