wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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