so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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