So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
