..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
