The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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