I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
