I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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