Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....