i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
