OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..