How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016