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I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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