Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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