we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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