if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
