fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
