I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize