Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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