Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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