Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
