I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
