i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
