i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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