Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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