I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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