There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
