I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
