A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
