you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
